Am I willing to go into the trenches?

After studying Galatians for the last month- this is the question I have been asking myself, "Am I willing to go into the trenches?" Am I willing to literally take up the burden, to carry the cross, and go into battle for others. Am I willing to break out of the "I will pray for you" mentality- and really PRAY. Just saying it doesn't mean I did- am I willing to pray, get down on my knees when necessary, and battle in prayer and action for others- for non- believers AND Christians?

So often, I think we forget that we live to serve God AND others. It's easy to cook up a casserole when somebody has a baby- but am I willing to sit with a friend going through something so deep and emotional that all I can do is sit with her while she cries? Am I willing to walk with someone through their pain? Am I willing to answer my phone when I know the person on the other line just needs to "talk"? Am I willing to give my time like that? It's easy to send a card, text message, or email. But, am I willing to go in person?

I'm going to be honest. These last two weeks have drained me of energy. I'm tired. I almost skipped bible study today just to stay in my pajamas and drink coffee all morning. But really, is bible study the thing to skip?? So, I went. And BOY, am I glad I did! What a blessing!! This is EXACTLY what we talked about (and a lot of other great things!). Giving of yourself when you really feel you have nothing left to give. Being able to un-encumber one's life so they have the ability to be available. Coming alongside someone whose burden is so heavy that they need someone to help shoulder it. Doing all of that, when you already feel your burden is SO heavy- am I willing?

We are all so busy. But really, should we be afraid to reach out when we are absolutely floundering for fear of being told "I'm sorry, I'm too busy". Is that the friend I want to be?

This past month- I had the most amazing experience of sitting with a friend who simply listened to me cry. I called her on the spur of the moment and basically said "I NEED to talk to you in the next couple of days." She IS willing to go into the trenches because she KNOWS  how needed those kinds of friends are. She put aside three kids and a husband to sit with me for two hours and LISTEN. It turns out the words she spoke that night were so powerful they ring in my ears everyday. Of course I felt like I was asking the world of her to take that time- but her response was so genuine, so loving....I will never forget it. I've had a number of experiences like that this month- moments when I've looked into the face sitting across from me and knowing I could never express how grateful I am for their friendship. We've had to ask people to take the time to write references, load a storage unit, and we've had to ask for lots of prayer! Y'all know who you are and I hope you know how grateful we are =)

I know this may seem like a random post- but it's been on my heart. I think as we walk through this adoption process- often we remember the people who said the "wrong thing" or raised an eyebrow- or questioned our sanity. I'm feeling quite blessed right now by the overwhelming number of people who want to learn more, who want to pray and see mountains moved, hear about our kids, and listen to the journey of how we have gotten to where we are!

It's not easy to go into the trenches with friends. We all carry heavy burdens, we are all in the middle of something- heck, just keeping up with speed of life these days is crazy! I don't want to be the friend somebody didn't call because they thought I was too busy for them and I'm working on "toning down" our schedule so I have the flexibility to do so- I'm feeling a bit convicted y'all!

Little Boys Melt My Heart...

It's so hard for this mommy to believe that he is a "little boy". He still seems like my baby...but he is quick to correct me..."No Mommy, I am a little boy now, I'm growing up!" UGH- please don't remind me! But I do love this fun age- filled with new interests (fire trucks as of late), and stories to tell (mostly about diggers), and songs to sing (Fresh Beat Band and often Francesca Battistelli). He is an awesome big brother to Little Miss, though they often disagree! He has a fascination with letter sounds and loves to quiz me. He is hungry all the time- the other day he ate five waffles in a three hour period. He doesn't take his afternoon nap anymore- but has been consistently sleeping almost 13 hours a night! This picture is from his play date at the park the other day....he was having so much fun- until he bonked his head on the ladder  and ran to me crying- and decided he wanted to go home! See- he still needs his mommy!!!

On Waiting...

I wait for my extra hot Starbucks Mocha to cool down...
I wait for my shower to heat up...
I wait for my child's doctor's appointment...
I wait in the drive-thru line at Walgreens...
I wait in line at the grocery store....
I wait in the line at the drive-thru...
I wait for my hair appointment....
I wait for my car to fill with gas...
I wait for my dinner to cook....

They wait for the next missions trip to come through with new clothes...
They wait for the day they will eat three meals a day...
They wait for a toy they can call their own...
They wait for a hug...
They wait for soap, toothpaste, and maybe a piece of candy...
They wait for the day they will have their own pillow...
They wait for a family...
They wait for someone to say "I love you"...

Our days look a little different...

Until no child waits....

Remind me Who I am

Somewhere between July and last month I began praying in a different way for our boys. In the beginning, when all that is practical and reasonable held us back from saying YES, I prayed "Lord, please help them find a family"....and then one day I started praying..."Lord, please let them know they are so loved by me" and that is when it really began to impact me.....I loved them....WE were their family. I know, I have never met them, all I have is pictures- but I have to believe that is the way God has designed it for the waiting children. That at some point in time, somehow, somebody will stumble across their picture and feel "on the moment of impact" destined to be their family. The great thing about blogs is that you can literally go back in time and see how God had been working all along.....go here to see my thoughts on the night after I "found" them.

A friend said it best, "if only they knew how much someone loved them" and it resonated so clearly with me... and I fiercely began hoping and praying that somehow they would KNOW....a sudden sense of peace would just settle over their broken hearts....a knowing spirit that SOMEONE is coming....just as soon as possible. Adoption is a process....and we are wading our way through the details and mountains of paperwork right now...


I recently heard this song on KLOVE.....and it spoke so clearly to my prayer for the boys right now....Lord, remind them who they are to YOU....when they feel lonely and lost, remind them who they are to YOU, when they receive no other love, remind them who they are to YOU, and when they feel like they have lost their way, remind them who they are to YOU. They will always be HIS and we will always be grateful for the calling He has given us to be theirs.

                                         PRAYING THEM HOME!!!

Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy.....YES....THREE boys!!

It's true. You have my permission to scroll down to the bottom of this post for confirmation. Or sit back and enjoy how God has loved on us right from the start of this journey!

In July, I found myself staring into the faces of three beautiful boys....waiting children....my heart was stirred, it fluttered, it pounded, and it broke into about a thousand little pieces.  I would never be the same having stared into those three sets of eyes. Oh I know, there were three....we never said three.

We said, a baby....

God said.....you have a baby....preschooler.

We said, Ok God...a preschooler...

God said....two.

Two? Ok, Two, but that's it God....

God said...I'm sorry, I know the plans I have for you....you just wait!

Our God is HUGE. I write this after a four month journey of what I would consider the closest times I have spent with God. I have listened for His voice, I have cried on my knees, I have begged, I have questioned...and ultimately- my God has given me what I NEED. I will never feel equipped to raise five children, but as someone once told me "God does not call the equipped, he equips the called."

Yes, some may call me crazy....this is what I call crazy....loving children who NEED a mommy whose heart pounds an extra beat for them, and a daddy to wrestle with and be guided by, siblings who love and fight, and a HOME....to love those children and not to GO after them- that is what I call crazy!

I tried it. I tried to forget what I saw on that day in July....but over and over God brought them back to me, to my mind, to my heart...Not one day has gone by since July that I have not thought about their faces, imagined them running through my house, and not one day has gone by that tears have not filled my eyes over the incredible loss and loneliness that is the life of an orphan.

So....last week we made the decision. We said, YES God....we will be the mommy and daddy you have called us to be for these children...we took the leap of faith....and we switched agencies and are officially pursuing these three boys. My heart is slowly mending itself knowing that we are on our way.

It will take prayers, it will take a slightly bigger house, it will take FAITH, it will take sacrifices, it will take patience, it will take many plane tickets home from Ethiopia, it will take waiting, and it will take a God that is HUGE with HUGE plans for the people who are willing to live life a bit radically. There are no certainties with adoption...and this one will be no different....but we stand in Faith with a God who gives more than we could ask or imagine...

For the few who have walked this journey with us for the past four months I thank you for your support and prayers, for hearing my weeping and offering reassurance. We will be forever amazed by the journey we have taken and we can't wait to see how it ends! God is GOOD....ALWAYS!


Join us as we PRAY THEM HOME!!!

                  If that face doesn't say it all!! This girl will NEVER date =)

A Letter to David Platt...

Dear David Platt,

You have officially ruined my comfortable little life.

About six months ago, while perusing a Christian bookstore, I came across your book Radical. My husband and I had been chatting about how maybe Jesus wasn't really a supporter of the American dream... I saw your book, picked it up, and took it home, hoping it would bring some sense to the subject. I started reading it...my comfortable little life was ruined.

So, I passed it along to my husband with a fair warning....and then his comfortable little life was ruined.

I have since passed it along to many friends, offering the same warning....so I would expect a series of letters to follow this one.

You see, you have carelessly offered these "ideas" that we should all live like Christ lived, travel to third world countries, live on less to give more, use our time to make a difference, question our idea of success, live counter-culturally....when taken to heart, when one really accepts the challenge you offer- BIG things happen. God gets to work- and really, you just don't know what to expect next. In fact, one may choose to do things that raise eyebrows, challenge friendships, or  drastically alter their future plans.

We now find ourselves making huge life-changing decisions, you know- decisions beyond which DSLR camera to buy and whether to order a salted caramel mocha or just a mocha. We find ourselves looking at our food bill and our heart breaking when we realize how many starving children in third-world countries could be fed for an entire year. We question our use of the word NEED- and question how we can abandon ourselves to follow Christ.

You see, David Platt, you opened my eyes to an entire world of people, hurts, and tragedies that I might have chosen to ignore. You challenged me to live outside my box, with more than myself to worry about- you reminded me how Jesus really lived and asked me if I would have the courage to live the same way...I didn't....now I pray that I will.

I have to say, you called me out- you may have offended me a little- your words hurt my well-meaning nature...but I thank you. You changed my life. I will never be the same- and neither will my children. We all thank you for that. Even if you ruined our comfortable little lives.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

Please don't take offense.

So, I believe it's time to stir things up a bit. I always encourage people to ask whatever it is they really want to know about adoption. I actually really appreciate when people do- because honestly, it gives me something to write about. Let's face it, you don't want the gory details of every emotional breakdown I have in regards to this adoption- or just because I am female. So, might as well have some material.

So here goes, some answers to popular questions in no particular order.

The first thing I DO know:

My biological kids are going to be fine. It's true. I even asked the pediatrician. Yes, I was curious about his medical opinion and he said it himself- he's not concerned, he sees no reason for a problem. Phew. Good- I was worried I was the only one that WASN'T worried.

Let's face it. My kids are going to learn about 24 years earlier than I did about a place called Ethiopia and a world that can be pretty unfair. Oh, and they will have to share the zillions of toys they really don't need.

Will they show some disgruntledness.....probably...okay, I'm SURE they will. There A LOT of times during they day that they would have it out with each other if I wasn't supervising them. All siblings do, don't they? You let me know if you have siblings that don't fight....I'll contribute to your adoption fund as you are obviously a good candidate for more children.

I want my kids to know about the world outside "their own little world". I really think it would be an injustice to allow them to continue to think that because they own 42 monster trucks every other little boy does too. Believe me, it fascinated him to find out that was untrue.

The second thing I DO know is....

All of these children will be my own. The two I birthed and the however many I choose to adopt. I find it hard to believe that after all of the paperwork, trips to the notary, finances tweaked, and tears shed that I will feel I worked any less or any harder for my adopted children. At the rate I am eating through my anticipation it is quite possible I may gain my standard forty pounds as well. While I encourage all questions- I will also do the general public the favor of helping to word this question differently- instead of asking "Why aren't you going to have more of your own?" or "Will you have more of your own after you adopt?" you might try, "Do you think/ plan to give birth to more children?" Really, you might just not ask this question- but if you feel you have a close enough relationship to ask, you might avoid the words "your own". I guarantee that the only people I will wake up for and climb out of my warm bed multiple times a night for are my own children.

The third thing I DO know is...

Adoption is expensive for a good reason. I promise, all of that money is going to people who are doing a heck of a job. Personally, you could not pay me enough to be a social worker conducting home studies. I would NOT want the responsibility of approving families for bringing home adopted children- specifically families asking for special needs, multiple children, and adopting out of birth order. No, I would NOT want to go to bed wondering "I wonder how that family is going to pull that off!" And knowing I just signed my name giving the seal of approval might just make my eye permanently twitch. Additionally, the fees involved are going to MULTIPLE people. LOTS of people. Being fingerprinted costs money- and, unfortunately, just because it is for an adoption does not mean they can waive the fee. People are fingerprinted everyday for noble causes, if every fee was waived, a lot of people would go without a paycheck. Additionally, most adoption totals include the cost of travel. I don't know about you- but by the time I am buying that airline ticket- I am guessing I will be willing to fork that money over if it means getting to the same soil as my babies. Did you know that the average cost for an epidural is $1200. That is one needle, for one woman, most likely for one baby. Pregnancy is expensive too. Think about how many trips to the doctor you make during that nine months- and then delivering in a hospital with approximately a two day stay. That is, if you didn't have a C-section and your baby was healthy and free to leave. Of course, there is insurance for that- and adoption is essentially an out-of-pocket expense. However, there are grants and the option of fundraising. I am a true believer that God wants these children to have homes and he will NOT let a lack of finances stand in the way.

So, there you have it- answers to a few questions I have received lately. The things I might have said if I wasn't worried about offending anyone =)