Please don't take offense.

So, I believe it's time to stir things up a bit. I always encourage people to ask whatever it is they really want to know about adoption. I actually really appreciate when people do- because honestly, it gives me something to write about. Let's face it, you don't want the gory details of every emotional breakdown I have in regards to this adoption- or just because I am female. So, might as well have some material.

So here goes, some answers to popular questions in no particular order.

The first thing I DO know:

My biological kids are going to be fine. It's true. I even asked the pediatrician. Yes, I was curious about his medical opinion and he said it himself- he's not concerned, he sees no reason for a problem. Phew. Good- I was worried I was the only one that WASN'T worried.

Let's face it. My kids are going to learn about 24 years earlier than I did about a place called Ethiopia and a world that can be pretty unfair. Oh, and they will have to share the zillions of toys they really don't need.

Will they show some disgruntledness.....probably...okay, I'm SURE they will. There A LOT of times during they day that they would have it out with each other if I wasn't supervising them. All siblings do, don't they? You let me know if you have siblings that don't fight....I'll contribute to your adoption fund as you are obviously a good candidate for more children.

I want my kids to know about the world outside "their own little world". I really think it would be an injustice to allow them to continue to think that because they own 42 monster trucks every other little boy does too. Believe me, it fascinated him to find out that was untrue.

The second thing I DO know is....

All of these children will be my own. The two I birthed and the however many I choose to adopt. I find it hard to believe that after all of the paperwork, trips to the notary, finances tweaked, and tears shed that I will feel I worked any less or any harder for my adopted children. At the rate I am eating through my anticipation it is quite possible I may gain my standard forty pounds as well. While I encourage all questions- I will also do the general public the favor of helping to word this question differently- instead of asking "Why aren't you going to have more of your own?" or "Will you have more of your own after you adopt?" you might try, "Do you think/ plan to give birth to more children?" Really, you might just not ask this question- but if you feel you have a close enough relationship to ask, you might avoid the words "your own". I guarantee that the only people I will wake up for and climb out of my warm bed multiple times a night for are my own children.

The third thing I DO know is...

Adoption is expensive for a good reason. I promise, all of that money is going to people who are doing a heck of a job. Personally, you could not pay me enough to be a social worker conducting home studies. I would NOT want the responsibility of approving families for bringing home adopted children- specifically families asking for special needs, multiple children, and adopting out of birth order. No, I would NOT want to go to bed wondering "I wonder how that family is going to pull that off!" And knowing I just signed my name giving the seal of approval might just make my eye permanently twitch. Additionally, the fees involved are going to MULTIPLE people. LOTS of people. Being fingerprinted costs money- and, unfortunately, just because it is for an adoption does not mean they can waive the fee. People are fingerprinted everyday for noble causes, if every fee was waived, a lot of people would go without a paycheck. Additionally, most adoption totals include the cost of travel. I don't know about you- but by the time I am buying that airline ticket- I am guessing I will be willing to fork that money over if it means getting to the same soil as my babies. Did you know that the average cost for an epidural is $1200. That is one needle, for one woman, most likely for one baby. Pregnancy is expensive too. Think about how many trips to the doctor you make during that nine months- and then delivering in a hospital with approximately a two day stay. That is, if you didn't have a C-section and your baby was healthy and free to leave. Of course, there is insurance for that- and adoption is essentially an out-of-pocket expense. However, there are grants and the option of fundraising. I am a true believer that God wants these children to have homes and he will NOT let a lack of finances stand in the way.

So, there you have it- answers to a few questions I have received lately. The things I might have said if I wasn't worried about offending anyone =)

Highest Praises

My favorite days in church are the days that there are simply not enough seats. Doesn't it just get you excited to think that there are so many people at church that there is simply not enough space?! Well, today there were literally not enough seats...as we finished the worship time and were told to "have a seat" I let myself lean back and landed right on my husband and friend's laps. Three of us were trying to sit in the same two seats- it felt a little bit like I was the loser in musical chairs! I guess they had forgotten to inform me that after worship we were going to need to find another spot because the row was already filled up- well, I got a good laugh out of it! In all seriousness though- it was a packed house! Which made worship all the more powerful...doesn't it give you chills to hear so many passionate voices singing at once?

Today we spent a long time singing this very simple but very powerful song:

    "Highest Praises, Highest Praises
     Highest Praises, to the Lamb of God"

For some reason, this very simple song really impacted me today. Even while singing, all of these reasons WHY God deserves the very highest praises kept running through my head. So often, I question,  "why does adoption have to take SO long?" but today I thought, "Praise God that he allows these children to BE adopted"....Praise God that He has given families the hearts to adopt and agencies the means to do the work needed. I question so much about the adoption process, but very simply (just like these lyrics) in all of the mess, frustration, doubt, confusion, and utter despair as to WHY these children must experience what they have- God deserves our HIGHEST PRAISES for all the BEAUTY that He brings from these situations. Yes, it is super hard to be patient when your heart longs to see the end result- but these are God's children (just as we are) and He is protecting them until just the RIGHT time when they will be matched with just the RIGHT family. God knows the end result and He knows exactly what it will take to get us there. Just the other night I found myself praying "I want to be the mommy to whoever you have for me." Well, He already knows who that is- and when it will be- and that very fact fascinates me! My flesh may be impatient, but God's timing is PERFECT and so I must trust...and praise Him.

My Little Man

This was simply too cute not to share!

I thought it was only appropriate after yesterday's post to share a picture of my Little Man. This year the kids and I are participating in a program called Community Bible Study. We meet once a week (there are studies all over) at a local church. It is about two hours and while I am in the formal bible study, Little Man is in a formal classroom setting learning, playing, and singing with some awesome teachers! Little Miss is in more of a nursery setting where I am sure the teachers are praying for limited tears and meltdowns!! Little Man has expressed a desire to be in a school setting and while we know our family is called to homeschool for now- this seemed like the perfect "first-time" classroom experience for him. It comforts me to know he is being loved and cared for and growing his faith in Jesus Christ. He was so excited to leave for "Bible school" or "Jesus School" as he has also called it. This picture was taken of him waiting by the door a full hour before we needed to leave! This is also the first time I have participated in a formal bible study program so I am looking forward to this being a faith-growing experience for myself as well!

This week has been quite busy as we are adjusting to our new fall activities. Somehow it seems in our effort to NOT be as busy- we are busier than ever! I guess this momma just likes to be on the go! I have to say, Little Miss does too- as soon as I pick up the keys she is at my side and waving good-bye! Little Man on the other hand- likes to takes his morning slow....hmmm...I wonder who he takes after?

Raising Boys...

Lately I seem to hear this song every time I turn the radio on- which is fine with me- it is a good reminder that our little girls aren't the only ones we should be worrying about. So often we worry about the challenges our daughters will face as they go through life- we worry about them maintaining their purity- we worry about the GUYS they will bring home...BUT- let's flip it around for just a minute. We need to be raising GODLY GUYS. Our sons will face the same challenges our daughters do- they will face bullying, competition...they will have their own moral compass tested (even though they may not talk about it).  Raising strong boys does not mean raising tough and rough boys. The old saying "boys will be boys" does NOT lend itself to the expectations we SHOULD have for our sons. We need to raise the bar, raise our standards, and raise NOT the husbands the media portrays- inadequate husbands and fathers...rather, we need to raise the men we would dream of our daughters bringing home, the men we want to see leading this country, the men we want to see living like Jesus....and bringing a sense of revival to this generation.

 Pause the music at the bottom of the page before watching video =)

If I learned anything...

As I mentioned in a previous post- this past June had the awesome opportunity (courtesy of the world's greatest mother-in-law) to attend the homeschool convention in our state. Obviously with Little Man just beginning a pre-K year- this wasn't necessary at this point, but I was looking for a little encouragement and some fun ideas! Well I very quickly found a speaker whose philosophy I couldn't agree with more! Susan, from Lifelong Learners shared during many sessions- and she definitely had my attention. Visit her website here. Well, if I learned anything from her sessions it was that learning at this young age is all about instilling a LOVE for learning. For our energetic preschoolers- the best place for that learning is OUTSIDE. So, yesterday we did just that. We are eking out the last bit of summer around here- while at the same time- VERY much looking forward to some cooler temps so we can spend even MORE time outside...

Yes, he has a yogurt mustache...

Working on pouring and transferring skills =)

Enjoy your last summer days!! 

Where I Was.

I've gone back and forth all day on whether to write this post. I have to be honest. I was really young... and naive...and I just didn't realize the impact such a tragic event would have in the moments it was happening. I was 18, barely, and about two weeks into my Freshman year of college....in Washington, DC.

I woke up to my phone ringing- and my roommate annoyed (she preferred no noise be made prior to 11am). I answered because it was my best friend from high school and it was really early. She frantically asked "Are you ok? The mall is on fire." The mall? I had only been in DC for two weeks and the idea of the mall being on fire still brought images of retail stores to mind. "What?" She quickly explained and told me to turn on my TV. We did- as best we could- it was on old TV that needed to be on for about ten minutes before it would actually show a picture- so we ran down to the common room where we collided with the entire girls' soccer team who had been brought off the field and into the closest building- along with a whole bunch of people who were ushered in as 8am classes were just ending. I remember people yelling that the phones were tied up and nobody could get through and they needed to check on people...

I still wasn't processing this all too well- and I just kept thinking I needed to get ready for my class. At this point I still hadn't really put together that this was affecting people. It all seemed pretty surreal. It took a little longer for me to remember that my dad sometimes worked from the World Trade Center, that my uncle worked there EVERYDAY and that we were just a few miles from the White House and Pentagon. This all hit me like a ton of bricks when my phone rang and I heard the voice of my panicked father- a voice that remains distinct and clear in my memory until today because it was my wake up call on Sept. 11th. He quickly assured me my uncle was fine- he had been running late to work and walked up the stairs from the subway just as everyone was running towards him (the very thought gives me chills) and that everyone else was fine. He insisted I stay inside and not go anywhere- as we didn't know what was happening next. Next? I had class- that was what was happening next. Yes, my mind was still very much 18 years old. Looking back on my thoughts and emotions (or lack thereof) on that day- I can say I am somewhat embarrassed. Ten years later- I can't imagine the shock it would have for me to see those images replayed. But today- I didn't turn on the TV. The few glimpses I had of the ceremonies was during my run on the treadmill at the gym. I don't have the words to explain to my three year old what I was afraid he would see on the TV. I very much wanted to live in my world of Disney Jr. today.

When did it all really catch up with me? The day after, my University announced that it would close during the following week for four days. It was expected many students would return home for the long weekend. My parents and I decided I would take the train home. As a parent now, I can only imagine their emotions having just sent their daughter away to school- and two weeks into the year these are the concerns they have. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the guts to send my kid back! Regardless, I traveled home by train- to Long Island. THAT is when it hit me harder. Driving home from the airport patriotic banners and American flags hung from the overpasses along the highway. It felt like EVERY SINGLE HOUSE displayed an American flag. It was noticeable to the point that it took your breath away. I grew up not too far outside the city- numerous people from my town were killed in the attacks. It was not until stepping foot back in my hometown that I began to realize the devastation of that day. It stuck with me- because when I returned to campus, we now had armed guards standing on the corners. It didn't last forever, but long enough to know we all had a different mindset now.

Now, my worldview has matured. I live outside my own head more. I wanted to write this because I have never really felt the need to tell anyone where I was on September 11th. I've never put it into words. I don't know if at the time I was too immature to understand it's impact- too egocentric to grasp the reality it was for so many. Today, I can grasp that we live in an unpredictable world- a fallen world with fallen people. But I can also grasp that God is GREATER than all the evil that exists- and His ways can bring about beautiful things even in the face of tragedy.

Somebody is ONE!

So it's been a little quiet here lately. On the blog that is. Real life has been anything BUT quiet. This past week Little Miss turned the big ONE. Hard to believe. And yet, SO much has happened in this past year that it often seems like more than a year MUST have gone by. Little Miss has definitely made this past year an adventure. She has really come to life in the last couple of months- almost catching us off guard! She  started walking about three weeks ago and is now attempting to pick up speed in a way that makes this momma's heart jump to her throat HOURLY. She is into EVERYTHING. Upon waking and going downstairs in the morning- she quickly makes her way to the snack cabinet and helps herself to a vanilla wafer or two. Yes, we are terribly behind on baby proofing. The girl loves to eat- that's for sure! Good thing chasing her brother around the house is her second favorite activity. I am not sure I see her sit down for more than three or four second intervals throughout the day. She keeps us laughing constantly and we are just IN LOVE with her daring spirit! She is everything we dreamed of in a little girl and more! 

                                           Mommy-made Goodies!

                                                       Birthday girl pre-nap

                                                         Ready to PARTY!