When we first began considering the prospect of adopting our next child....we were immediately confronted with a decision to make- of who? At the time Little Man was just about to turn 3 and Little Miss was 8 months old. It seemed almost natural that we would approach this change in our family dynamic the same way as a pregnancy....in fact, some agencies suggested we wouldn't have an option otherwise...and one told us it was best to wait to adopt until Little Miss was older (obviously we didn't go with that agency). We settled with an agency that was not completely against going out of birth order...just in case very young siblings were in God's plan for us...we honestly thought we might wait until a pair of siblings younger than three were available....and so we proceeded and planned to bring home an infant.
Yet, even after we began the paperwork...something did not seem right. We were about to take our place at 100+ on a waitlist....and then I heard about the Waiting Child List....well, something seemed a little backwards to me...we were about to wait for a child...when other children were waiting for a family. I began to think- God- you gotta help me process this!
Again we found ourselves questioning- WHO? God began to take the wheel- and lead us to WHO HE HAD for our family...yes, it completely shook us to see that it did not match what every book, most agencies, and common thought suggests...do NOT disrupt birth order! Keep your oldest the oldest...not only were we disrupting birth order but we were also artificially twinning...and bringing home three older boys. But despite all that...it was clear that God was speaking...our hearts could not deny it...now we just had to wrap our minds around it.
The more we thought about it....the more we began to question....why is it so important for the biological child to remain the oldest? What about the adopted child...what if THEY ARE the oldest in their sibling set...do we not take their birth order into consideration? There is more to this birth order debate than we really talk about. Are we worried about de-throning the biological oldest for the right reasons? Is it because they exude such leadership qualities that we fear risking their future presidential possibilities....or because its HARD to bring in a new oldest...its HARD to mix-up, disrupt, and beautifully re-design the make-up of our family? Yes, this IS going to be a struggle in our house...I am certainly not writing this from a place of expertise or success. I decided to share because when we were faced with this decision I searched endlessly for the blogs of families who had done what we are about to do! Bringing home older children presents a whole new set of considerations...school, language, a whole history we do not know about, perhaps a whole lot longer time spent in an orphanage....but it ALSO brings home children who are waiting...waiting for somebody to choose them, despite the scars and history, despite the language barrier, despite the missed first steps, lost tooth, and first word...
In our time with our boys during court- we got to experience a lot of firsts...it still gives me chills when I remember their first bite of ice cream...yeah, its a little different watching a 9 year old take their first bite of ice cream than a toddler...but seriously...9 years of waiting to try ice cream?!?!? How fun is it to buy them that first bowl- I think I might have been more excited than him!
I pray that anyone reading this knows that I thoroughly understand the need for families willing to wait for an infant...adoption needs to be a team effort...so that no child should ever have to wait...but if we are for adoption we need to be for ALL orphans... so for those families in the same shoes we were less than a year ago...I thought I would share how we came to our decision to bring home our three precious boys.
Yet, even after we began the paperwork...something did not seem right. We were about to take our place at 100+ on a waitlist....and then I heard about the Waiting Child List....well, something seemed a little backwards to me...we were about to wait for a child...when other children were waiting for a family. I began to think- God- you gotta help me process this!
Again we found ourselves questioning- WHO? God began to take the wheel- and lead us to WHO HE HAD for our family...yes, it completely shook us to see that it did not match what every book, most agencies, and common thought suggests...do NOT disrupt birth order! Keep your oldest the oldest...not only were we disrupting birth order but we were also artificially twinning...and bringing home three older boys. But despite all that...it was clear that God was speaking...our hearts could not deny it...now we just had to wrap our minds around it.
The more we thought about it....the more we began to question....why is it so important for the biological child to remain the oldest? What about the adopted child...what if THEY ARE the oldest in their sibling set...do we not take their birth order into consideration? There is more to this birth order debate than we really talk about. Are we worried about de-throning the biological oldest for the right reasons? Is it because they exude such leadership qualities that we fear risking their future presidential possibilities....or because its HARD to bring in a new oldest...its HARD to mix-up, disrupt, and beautifully re-design the make-up of our family? Yes, this IS going to be a struggle in our house...I am certainly not writing this from a place of expertise or success. I decided to share because when we were faced with this decision I searched endlessly for the blogs of families who had done what we are about to do! Bringing home older children presents a whole new set of considerations...school, language, a whole history we do not know about, perhaps a whole lot longer time spent in an orphanage....but it ALSO brings home children who are waiting...waiting for somebody to choose them, despite the scars and history, despite the language barrier, despite the missed first steps, lost tooth, and first word...
In our time with our boys during court- we got to experience a lot of firsts...it still gives me chills when I remember their first bite of ice cream...yeah, its a little different watching a 9 year old take their first bite of ice cream than a toddler...but seriously...9 years of waiting to try ice cream?!?!? How fun is it to buy them that first bowl- I think I might have been more excited than him!
I pray that anyone reading this knows that I thoroughly understand the need for families willing to wait for an infant...adoption needs to be a team effort...so that no child should ever have to wait...but if we are for adoption we need to be for ALL orphans... so for those families in the same shoes we were less than a year ago...I thought I would share how we came to our decision to bring home our three precious boys.
Amen! I love what you said, " ... adoption needs to be a team effort...so that no child should ever have to wait...but if we are for adoption we need to be for ALL orphans." Wow! So, true.
ReplyDeleteGod has given us a heart for those older children who have been in the queue - waiting - too long. Of course, God may change the plan and give us an infant, but we are open to His leading and perfect will!
Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with us! We have been blessed and encouraged by all that God is doing in your lives!
To God be the Glory!