First Impressions

How is it possible that when barking dogs kept me up for hours in the middle of the night in ET I could easily think of twenty blog posts and hundreds of stories I wanted to share...and now that we are home- they are stuck in my head and words are scarce?

There was so much we were unsure of heading over there...there were emotions, nerves, excitement, anxiousness, nerves, concern, nerves, happiness, nerves...we were NERVOUS! How does one go about meeting their child(ren) that have already lived nine years of their life...and all you know is a short paragraph of information? What do you say when the language barrier stands between you....how do you keep yourself from reaching out and hugging and kissing a child who DOES NOT know you but that you already love? How do you tell a child who has been waiting two years for a family that the wait is not quite over yet? All of this and so much more had me just a little fidgety on the mere 20 hours we spent traveling.

The actual meeting of our children was not exactly what I had seen in all the sweet videos that I have watched on others' blogs....but my numerous years of education in counseling/psychology reminded me that this was OKAY. In some ways their response was appropriate...and the hugs we earned by the end of the day and throughout the week are what we will remember most. But upon actually meeting them- our three beautifully polite boys shook our hands in the traditional manner. They smiled huge smiles and when other children came running also they stepped in closer...as if to say, "this is my turn." But I had to remind myself that as much as I wanted to take them in my arms...I was still a stranger...and we had to "get to know" each other just like in any other relationship. Now, the fantastic thing about boys...is that sports know no language! Neither do piggy back rides =)

The language barrier is almost impossible to prepare for...let's face it- we were not going to learn Amharic in the last few months...there's no Rosetta stone for that. And, our boys actually speak three different languages...because as my husband has informed me...ET has 75 different languages. But, for all of you who were concerned about the language barrier for us...we did just fine =) Thank you to my beautiful friend and fellow adoptive mommy who reminded me that gestures can go a long way!! I have never pretended to drink from a cup so many times in one week!

Possibly the greatest joy was in learning that we have three lively, FUNNY, entertaining, and silly boys! They kept us laughing. We loved when our driver would translate for us the jokes they were telling about each other...my favorite was our middle commenting on our VERY TALKATIVE oldest, "He talks 100 hours - never stops!" And we thought Little Man was our talker- they are going to be competition for each other...good thing they aren't sharing a bedroom or we'd never get sleep in this house! (I know, I know- we may never anyways!)

As much fun as the week was...there were also moments when you remember you are walking with children who have been hurt and disappointed...moments when you know the journey will be rocky and steep....and require patience and prayer....but the HOPE that abounded in these children assured us that God has called us exactly to this moment...to these three...and we wait anxiously to hear (hopefully this week) that we are their forever family!

                                              Getting ready to meet the boys! 

A picture's worth...

I guess normally that would end with "a thousand words" but really in this case it was worth thousands of miles...flying to Ethiopia and back....to meet the three boys whose faces made me wonder, "God, what are you asking us to do?" Last July I saw the picture that stuck with me and on October 11th we officially accepted their referral, submitted our dossier, and just today we returned from Ethiopia having met their sweet personalites, hugged their adorable selves, and played countless hours of soccer. We laughed together- they laughed at our attempts at Amharic- and we laughed as they tried ketchup, ice cream, and cake for the first time.

Court was not an easy process... In the end, we left with still one more piece of paper to be acquired before they will be "ours"- but we did stand before the judge and give our consent and receive her approval- and our MOWA letter was present and favorable. So, I guess we did what we needed to do- and will wait for more information expected to come the first week in April.

Right now- I am still reflecting on our week. It was a lot to take in...a lot to think about...a lot to learn from...and it opened our eyes even more to the need that exists. There is a big difference between TALKING about the orphan crisis and seeing it...between watching your children step out of too-short pants and into new clothes...and trading crocs for sneakers, hearing your children ask for meat with such excitement and realizing it is because they don't normally eat it. There were so many times I had to stop and remind myself that their amazement over something was because...they had never seen it, held it, experienced it. Tears escaped when I realized why it was so important to them to zip the suitcase we brought for them everytime they left the room...it was THEIRS. I had to catch my breath everytime I caught our 6 year old washing his soccer ball in the bathroom sink.

More than anything....I had to control my tears when I saw them with their "Dad". Taking turns getting piggy backs, wrestling, hugging, sitting on his lap...you name it- they craved it. It was a struggle at times to realize that HE was what they so desperately needed...the female caretaker is what they are used to...the Dad figure is what has truly been missing. I have never loved my husband more than I did watching him in that courtyard.

I have to stop and marvel at how God can possibly use a picture to nudge a family- we left for ET believing that the three boys in the picture we saw last July were worth fighting/working for...and so we went... and now we will wait some more- but having met them- we wait with faith that God has the ending of this story just as beautifully authored as He did the beginning.

We have a COURT DATE!!!

After 5 months of waiting on a court date and many paperwork glitches and unknowns...it is true- we are FINALLY headed to Ethiopia for our COURT DATE!!! It is quite unusual but we were notified and told the judge would see us on short notice due to some other personal circumstances. SO...we leave in FOUR days!

Last week at this time- there were so many unknowns I just didn't know what to expect. Even though I have been CLAIMING to have given this all to God way back in November...the truth was...I don't believe I really released it to Him until last Wednesday....the same day I laid a chik-fil-a sack filled with strawberry cheesecake and a glass of water (his request) in front of a homeless man that I have seen around the area for the last 6 years. Is it possible that only last Wednesday- I finally understood what it means when Jesus says....what you have done for the least of these you have done for me? I walked away from that moment with peace in this whole situation....almost as if I had a moment with HIM that allowed me to understand what He has been trying to say for five months.

So instead of praying our boys would come home...I began to pray that God would have the victory. After a very real phone call with a woman God connected me with through Bible study this past September...I felt a huge burden released. We talked REAL...not "oh it will happen"....because, you know, sometimes things DON'T happen the way we want them to. But, we may never know what role those things play in the eternal...we never know when what does or doesn't happen has a larger impact that we may never know in our time here. I also heard this last week and it spoke so clearly to me..."The more we REST in HIS presence...the more we REST in His presence." Say it 10 times fast and maybe it will sink in. I know I had to. I began to do just that...Rest in the idea that He sent us on this journey for a reason....and I actually got EXCITED to see what the conclusion would be....even if it was totally not what I THOUGHT. And then yesterday....we got the news and our feet hit the ground running to leave for ET in 4 days!

The actual phone call was so unexpected....I had to go outside our front door because my littles were inside screaming about who knows what...when I came inside I was yelling and jumping around...Little Man asked "Mommy, why are you going WOO WOO WOO?" So I explained what had happened and he said, "But mommy, if you are so happy why is water coming out of your eyes?" So sweet. And would you believe that we were actually waiting on some friends who were coming over for a play date...so I was immediately greeted by three wonderful and close friends who have been praying with us for the last 5 months...my head spun most of the time they were here and I was probably very poor company- but they were so sweet and excited for us!

I know, I'm rambling...quite frankly...I'm overwhelmed and scrambling...because you know- we want our first meeting with our new children to be PERFECT....but I know in my heart- it will be- no matter what I forget or don't have a chance to do before we leave.

So....right now we are praying that the judge shows favor on our case and that our first meeting with our sweet children will go smoothly and God's presence will be felt through it all!

Not an Update.

Well...it isn't much of an update if I have nothing new to share is it? I apologize. I'm sure you can all imagine how much I WISH we knew more than we do. Word is- there is still more paperwork to be obtained...I know very little specifics so I promise I am not being vague on purpose. We are praying...ok...it is more like begging...ummm...maybe some crying and screaming out to God that we will see BIG movement this week. I simply can't afford to continue eating chocolate the way I am so I would appreciate some good news =) 

In other news...my local adoptive mommy friend (I promise the whole city isn't crazy)  is now expecting FOUR Ethiopian cuties! You can go read more about her story here... and if you ever want to meet an abundance of beautiful Ethiopian children just come to our future playdates!

She is fundraising and selling these ADORABLE t-shirts modeled below by Little Miss! 

Here's to a week of BIG prayers! 

What Else Makes You Sad Mommy?

Last night I went to bed gripped with sadness and frustration over the length of time that has passed since we accepted the referral for our sweet boys. I know in the world of adoption this isn't actually long...I mean some families wait almost two years for a referral...but my heart breaks each day that goes by that our boys continue their wait for a family. I feel like I am in a race to get them home before we creep up on the two year mark of their waiting. Have I ever shared- we first saw their picture on the ONE YEAR mark of their wait? And now- all I want is for them to NEVER see the two year mark. It's still possible- and BIG prayers are being said to a BIG God.

This morning I woke up and just like every morning for the last four months I checked my email in hopes of a court date. However, unlike every other day that I have not found one...I couldn't go about the day as if we are not waiting for something HUGE. I cried...and my little man saw me. "Mommy, why do you look like that?" I tried to ignore his question....but then he asked, "Why are you sad?" Oh, it is so hard to hide it all from them...and in that moment I thought- why should I? I simply said, "Well, you know how your three brothers are in Africa...." and he finished for me "and it's taking a REALLY LONG time for them to get home!!" And so I simply explained, "Well, when we waited for you sometimes it was hard...and if you weren't here with me right now I would be SO sad...and that's why I am sad right now." He seemed to accept that and said, "What else makes you sad mommy?"

Right now- there are a lot of things that make me sad...I am sad with myself for the doubting I find myself doing...and for all the easy answers that I give. If you are my friend- you should know- none of this is easy and none of it is matter-of-fact. If I said I was going to be somewhere- and you didn't see me there- it's probably because I wanted to hide for the day...just being honest (I'm sure you can all relate to this feeling at some point in your own life). I LOVE adoption...and because God LOVES adoption more than me...I know our story will have a complete and happy ending- what makes me sad is that I don't know WHEN that will happen and my flesh loves nothing more than to doubt it will happen. I'm human- and I want to know things for certain....I'm a planner and I would like nothing more than to take a Sharpie marker to my calendar and start marking off the days I will be in Ethiopia. I'm sad that children who are already orphaned have to wait this long for a home....I'm sad that agencies and we, as advocates, can't seem to do enough to eradicate the need for a waiting child list. This is what breaks my heart lately- that we even have to use the term waiting child-I can't go down that road again- but I will say once more- can you imagine being that child and wondering why nobody is coming?  I am so grateful that God laid the waiting children on our heart- and for that I would never change a moment of this complicated adoption case we find laid out before us. Isn't it amazing that God can work miracles that put their picture in front of this mommy? No adoption is easy...how can something born out of trauma (which is at the root of EVERY adoption) be easy? Today I cling to what I KNOW even in my doubt....God is bigger than all of it...His plans are bigger...I'm sure He would be okay with the few tears that escaped my eyes today- I'm sure He has cried a few of his own over these children....they are His too.

Just For Fun...

Last week Little Man's playgroup was invited to the firehouse for a tour. If I haven't mentioned it yet- HE LOVES FIRETRUCKS! On a daily basis he reminds me that he IS a fireman...I often get to be one too. I was so excited to tell him the night before (I didn't dare mention it earlier- its cold and flu season you know?) that we were going to wake up and go to the fire house! He made a thank-you card...

You will notice he is wearing A LOT of clothing....he opted to wear everything he owned with fire trucks on it- as well as his helmet and boots.

Here he is driving the truck....not sure about the smile- does anyone elses' kid have a forced smile they use in photos!?!

She's one cute fire lady!

It was a great time! I have to say- one of the best things about being a mommy is watching them go through these phases of different interests and helping them to learn more about what excites them!

What The Books Say...

We have received a wide range of responses to our adoption news. It was a pretty big turn of events going from "We're adopting a baby!".....to...."We're adopting a sibling set of three brothers!" We're ecstatic over our news...but we also had several months to pray about it, process through it, and make some plans. For most people they only get about three seconds to respond before the whole conversation gets a little awkward!

Believe me, we've done our research...we know what the experts and books say...we know what social workers advise and what they frown upon...we've heard the warnings and we've taken A LOT of their advice.

We know the books say not to adopt out of birth order...

We know the books say older children may have faced more trauma, more despair...

We know the books describe all the nitty gritty and potentially harmful situations that can ensue...

We know the books say the older adopted child may have more hurts and losses to grieve...

But when we compared what ALL the books said to what THE book said....we felt it would be better to arm ourselves with this....

Because HE called us to this....and HIS plans are bigger and better...and only HE brings wisdom and peace to these potential situations...we're being obedient to the ONE who called us to this journey and trusting He will cover the rest.