Garage Sale Fundraiser...

Two weeks ago we decided there was no better way to clean house than with a good old fashioned garage sale! Sure, it was cold and December...but you know what- God blessed us with SUN and we were able to raise $300 for our adoption fund!!

As we carried armfuls of stuff out the door that morning, my brother-in-law said to me, "You know, even if you guys only raise $5 today- you are out there showing God that you are willing to do the work to make this happen- and He will bless that." At the time I didn't think much of it...but you know what- in the two weeks since our garage sale, we have been blessed with donations totaling.....drum roll please....$2,000!!!! It has been an incredible two weeks...watching all of you love on us and our boys! We are feeling incredibly lucky!

Unfortunately, I do not have my camera handy to share Christmas pictures of Little Miss and Little Man with you all tonight....but rest assured they will come this week....for now...

Merry Christmas, from our family (near and FAR) to yours!!!

Our Children are Connected!

I am so happy to report that in less than 48 hours every piece of the 100 piece puzzle had been sponsored! Children (and adults too!) from VA, NY. NJ, OK, OH, TN, CA, FL, and Hawaii!!!! are being represented! The response simply amazed me- to know that you all wanted to show your love for our boys was overwhelming! We love them more than they know- and now when they get home, they will SEE that you all love them too. This puzzle was important to us because we won't have baby books- our pictures will only date back to about a year ago (their referral photo) and we won't have old family movies to share with them. This puzzle was our way to show them that while they were waiting- we were waiting to- and dreaming of them, praying for them, and crying happy as well as impatient tears- all on a journey to bring them home!

Yesterday, was one of those days that I was simply overcome with what the body of Christ can do when they come together! We thank you all for your willingness to share this experience with us- we feel the love!

From Your Children To Ours...

This is the time of the year that we, as parents, focus a great deal of time and attention on our children. We bake cookies together, spend time making special crafts, taking trips to different events taking place throughout town- and maybe even to Santa =) Our kids make lists of their requested gifts- we check them twice (and then visit no less than 15 stores to find the desired item). We talk about the real reason for the season and we remember His birth in special ways. It really is an awesome time of the year! I know we have been having a great time baking cookies (Little man's favorite activity) and visiting some fun family-friendly activities around town.

As much as I savor this time of the year with Little Man and Little Miss- I also find my heart aching for my three children who don't even know what is in store for them this coming year (prayerfully very soon!) They don't know Christmas...they don't know the innocent joy of running downstairs to a glowing Christmas tree- to new toys, books, clothes...they don't know the joy our children experience this time of the year...

This year- I can honestly say I didn't even set foot in the mall to shop. I have passed by and can't even bring myself to walk through it- we haven't visited Santa, we didn't rush to have Christmas portraits taken...it's been a different season for us, and yet, I will treasure the memories we have made.

This season we have spent a lot of time talking about "the three little boys" that will be joining our family...Little Man is very aware of how our family is going to change- he may not know how it will fully impact and change our daily life- but he loves looking at their pictures and talking about sharing his bedroom and toys with his new brothers.

I am going to ask you to consider giving your children a unique gift this holiday season- assuming your shopping isn't complete just yet! We have decided to add something truly unique to our children's new bedroom---

Little Man is VERY into fire trucks right now...and he has opted to make that the theme of the bedroom he and the youngest of the boys will share. This is a picture of a 100-piece puzzle. We are asking our friends and family- and anyone who wishes to support us on our journey- to contribute a $5 donation- and a piece of the puzzle will be added in your name! The goal is to have all 100 pieces sponsored...which will help to fund an airline ticket home for one of our boys! You can sponsor one in YOUR name OR your CHILD'S name! You may think your child is too young to understand what they have helped to do- BUT I promise....you might just be surprised when you tell them- they have helped bring a little boy to a family who is anxiously awaiting them!! 

You can make your $5 donation using the Donate Now button on the right side of the page...please be sure to add the name you wish us to write on the back of the puzzle piece in the comments section. Thank you! 

Receptive.

We often get asked (especially by people who knew us pretty well last April) how we came into this whole adoption thing. Often I will answer "I really don't know, God just brought it up". Last April, we were coming out of a state of sleep deprivation (thank you Little Miss) and fiercely stating that we were "good with two". We had a boy and a girl- we were good to go! And then, our family was shaken to the very core of its belief system. My brother-in-law came back from a short trip having encountered God in such a real way that I think the rest of us began to question our own state of faith. A week later I found myself in Lifeway holding David Platt's "Radical". It would be a week before I finished it- but I sat enthralled every night with what some would consider such obvious truths....but to me, they shook up everything that I knew about what it meant to be a Christian. Jesus never chased the American dream, his disciples were KILLED for their faith....and yet, today we hear pastors teaching on TELEVISION wealth and prosperity, a better life....and it certainly isn't based on the numbers being led to Christ in the far corners of the globe.

Where to go from there? Well, we knew we wanted a faith led by action. Yes, our faith is what saves us....BUT....faith without works is dead...and we wanted to feel ALIVE with Christ (especially now that we weren't sleep deprived anymore!) Adoption certainly wasn't the first thing that came to mind...in fact, sadly, I professed THREE times to three different people during the month of April that I was "glad other people had the heart for Africa, because I just didn't see that in my future"....I think someone heard me. And so, we just asked God to use us....fervently asked Him, to use us as we never expected to be used. We didn't know what it would entail, heck, we didn't even know if we would get an answer! Maybe he thought we had enough going on =) But, over the course of a week- God showed us. He showed us through a friend's story of her mission trip to Ethiopia (oh, is that in Africa?), He showed us through a sermon on James, and He showed us through an encounter I had with a woman who adopted SEVEN children, adding to her biological four. Y'all when God moves he grooves! And so....it took us all of four days to realize what God was calling us to do. Sure, the timing made NO sense. Little Miss was barely 8 months old. In fact, I had one agency suggest waiting until she was a little older. But God didn't tell us to wait.

Obviously our story didn't stop there...since at that time we were requesting an infant.

I came across the picture of our boys on waiting child list- I once again felt the grip of the Lord...and He didn't let go. For three months we questioned how we would ever do this. Even when we began to question our sanity- even when it meant switching agencies (really we just ended up working with TWO fabulous agencies), the Lord opened doors...and reassured our questioning minds. Believe me, we know- we are going to have FIVE kids, we know our food bill is going to be astronomical...we know! The last month has left us feeling a little crazy...we sold our house and bought a new one...all to have the room for kids we have never met- but love as our own. (You certainly don't need to move to adopt- just making that clear! wink wink). We are a very average couple with very average problems...we do not have the funds for adoption in our bank accounts, we do not have any more patience on an average day than anyone else (even with just our current two kids)... we do not have a magical marriage (though my husband is awesome!), we do not have the ability to keep our house cleaner than anyone else...we do not have any more time in the day...and often I forget to cook dinner until 6pm.

I say all this to say...we know we are going to struggle, we know we are going to need help, we know we are going to need A LOT of prayer. But, we also know that God called us to do this....and because we were receptive to His calling- we will NOT be alone in this.

What is God calling you to do?

Some people may wonder...

How I am going to keep up with the chores when our home nearly doubles in size?


But I have a secret....

Don't tell anyone.

In God's Hands....

When I look back over the last month...well- its hard to believe it has JUST been a month! Our heads are spinning and our hearts are anxiously awaiting a phone call that will bring the news that will reveal when we will meet our three boys. When I just THINK about the last month it is hard not to feel crazy.... suffice it to say, when God moves He grooves...and He seamlessly orchestrates each detail...and moves mountains. Each time I begin to wonder..."How is this all going to come together?" I am reassured by a God who is so personal- so aware of every detail of my life....and I know again with 100% certainty that HE set us on this journey and HE will not lead us astray....it is in His hands....

      Praying over our dossier before sending it on it's way (excuse my late posting)!
                         

                              This mommy is ready to meet her newest babies!

How to Be The Village

I came across this blog post on a fellow adoptive mommy's blog and there is so much good stuff in here that I HAD to share!!

How to Be The Village

By Jen Hatmaker
Sometimes being ever-so-slightly in the public eye is rough. With a mouth and discernment problem like mine, you can imagine. I basically offer my life on the altar of criticism daily, then douse the sacrifice with plenty of fuel to make disparagement a lay-up. 
For instance, Brandon and I attended a Halloween party last weekend with the theme “Heroes and Super villains.” Our friends came in such costumes as Captain America and the Joker and Kim Possible. They were all very polished and adorable. We came as washed-up, possibly strung out Superman and Supergirl complete with ripped fishnets, smeared makeup, and pistol tattoo drawn with Sharpie. We may or may not have had unlit cigarettes dangling from the corners of our mouths. 
These choices are often met with disapproval from the watching masses, as you might well guess. I know you wish I would only dress up as Little Bo Peep or Mary Mother of Jesus, but Brandon and I are very, very silly and immature, and I’ve been trying to tell you people this for some time. 
But usually I am grateful for the connection to the greater world, if only through social media and the miracle of emails (plus embarrassing transparency). For example, just a few days ago, I received this email: 
Our good friends just returned from Ethiopia last night with their two little boys. Ok, they've had their "airport" moment and we were right there with them. What are some things we can do now to support them in the "real life" journey without overstepping our boundaries? Thank you so much for your transparency and honesty. Everyone can benefit when you share from your heart.
I was so moved by this email. Having benefitted from a community that practically smothered us with support throughout our adoption journey, I am so grateful for all the other good friends out there, loving their people and asking how to help. Since reading this email, I’ve been marinating on her question, and I’ve decided to write this Field Guide to Supporting Adoptive Families. (And it will be brief because I will try to remember that this is a blog and not a manuscript and the rules of blogging include succinctness, so that is exactly how I’ll proceed today, except for the exact opposite of all that.) 
Let’s break this down into two categories:
Supporting Families Before the Airport
Your friends are adopting. They’re in the middle of dossiers and home studies, and most of them are somewhere in the middle of Waiting Purgatory. Please let me explain something about WP: It sucks in every way. Oh sure, we try to make it sound better than it feels by using phrases like “We’re trusting in God’s plan” and “God is refining me” and “Sovereignty trumps my feelings” and crazy bidness like that. But we are crying and aching and getting angry and going bonkers when you’re not watching. It’s hard. It hurts. It feels like an eternity even though you can see that it is not. It is harder for us to see that, because many of us have pictures on our refrigerators of these beautiful darlings stuck in an orphanage somewhere while we’re bogged down in bureaucracy and delays. 
How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:
1. “God’s timing is perfect!” (Could also insert: “This is all God’s plan!” “God is in charge!”) As exactly true as this may be, when you say it to a waiting parent, we want to scratch your eyebrows off and make you eat them with a spoon. Any trite answer that minimizes the struggle is as welcomed as a sack of dirty diapers. You are voicing something we probably already believe while not acknowledging that we are hurting and that somewhere a child is going to bed without a mother again. Please never say this again. Thank you.
2. “Are you going to have your own kids?” (Also in this category: “You’ll probably get pregnant the minute your adoption clears!” “Since this is so hard, why don’t you just try to have your own kids?” “Well, at least you have your own kids.”) The subtle message here is: You can always have legitimate biological kids if this thing tanks. It places adoption in the Back-up Plan Category, where it does not belong for us. When we flew to Ethiopia with our first travel group from our agency, out of 8 couples, we were the only parents with biological kids. The other 7 couples chose adoption first. Several of them were on birth control. Adoption counts as real parenting, and if you believe stuff Jesus said, it might even be closer to the heart of God than regular old procreation. (Not to mention the couples that grieved through infertility already. So when you say, “Are you going to have your own kids?” to a woman who tried for eight years, then don’t be surprised if she pulls your beating heart out like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.)
3. For those of you in Christian community, it is extremely frustrating to hear: “Don’t give up on God!” or “Don’t lose faith!” It implies that we are one nanosecond away from tossing our entire belief system in the compost pile because we are acting sad or discouraged. It’s condescending and misses the crux of our emotions. I can assure you, at no point in our story did we think about kicking Jesus to the curb, but we still get to cry tears and feel our feelings, folks. Jesus did. And I’m pretty sure he went to heaven when he died. 
4. We’re happy to field your questions about becoming a transracial family or adopting a child of another race, but please don’t use this moment to trot out your bigotry. (Cluelessness is a different thing, and we try to shrug that off. Like when someone asked about our Ethiopian kids, “Will they be black?” Aw, sweet little dum-dum.) The most hurtful thing we heard during our wait was from a black pastor who said, “Whatever you do, don’t change their last name to Hatmaker, because they are NOT Hatmakers. They’ll never be Hatmakers. They are African.” What the??? I wonder if he’d launch the same grenade if we adopted white kids from Russia? If you’d like to know what we’re learning about raising children of another race or ask respectful, legitimate questions, by all means, do so. We care about this and take it seriously, and we realize we will traverse racial landmines with our family. You don’t need to point out that we are adopting black kids and we are, in fact, white. We’ve actually already thought of that.
5. Saying nothing is the opposite bad. I realize with blogs like this one, you can get skittish on how to talk to a crazed adopting Mama without getting under her paper-thin skin or inadvertently offending her. I get it. (We try hard not to act so hypersensitive. Just imagine that we are paper-pregnant with similar hormones surging through our bodies making us cry at Subaru commercials just like the 7-month preggo sitting next to us. And look at all this weight we’ve gained. See?) But acting like we’re not adopting or struggling or waiting or hoping or grieving is not helpful either. If I was pregnant with a baby in my belly, and no one ever asked how I was feeling or how much longer or is his nursery ready or can we plan a shower, I would have to audition new friend candidates immediately. 
Here’s what we would love to hear Before the Airport:
1. Just kind, normal words of encouragement. Not the kind that assume we are one breath away from atheism. Not the kind that attempt to minimize the difficulties and tidy it all up with catchphrases. We don’t actually need for you to fix our wait. We just want you to be our friend and acknowledge that the process is hard and you care about us while we’re hurting. That is GOLD. I was once having lunch with my friend Lynde when AWAA called with more bad news about Ben’s case, and I laid my head down on the table in the middle of Galaxy Café and bawled. Having no idea what to do with such a hot mess, she just cried with me. Thank you for being perfect that day, Lynde. 
2. Your questions are welcomed! We don’t mind telling you about the court system in Ethiopia or the in-country requirements in Nicaragua or the rules of the foster system. We’re glad to talk about adoption, and we’re thankful you care. I assure you we didn’t enter adoption lightly, so sharing details of this HUGE PIECE OF OUR LIVES is cathartic. Plus, we want you to know more because we’re all secretly hoping you’ll adopt later. (This is not true.) (Yes it is.)
3. When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day. 
4. If you can, please become telepathic to determine which days we want to talk about adoption and which days we’d rather you just show up on our doorstep with fresh figs from the Farmer’s Market (thanks, Katie) or kidnap us away in the middle of the day to go see Bridesmaids. Sometimes we need you to make us laugh and remember what it feels like to be carefree for a few hours. If you’re not sure which day we’re having, just pre-buy movie tickets and show up with the figs, and when we answer the door, hold them all up and ask, “Would you like to talk for an hour uninterrupted about waiting for a court date?” We’ll respond to whichever one fits. 
Supporting Families After the Airport
You went to the airport. The baby came down the escalator to cheers and balloons. The long adoption journey is over and your friends are home with their new baby / toddler / twins / siblings / teenager. Everyone is happy. Maybe Fox News even came out and filmed the big moment and “your friend” babbled like an idiot and didn’t say one constructive word about adoption and also she looked really sweaty during her interview. (Really? That happened to me too. Weird.) 
How can you help? By not saying or doing these things: 
1. I mean this nicely, but don’t come over for awhile. Most of us are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you; it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our newbies, and lots of strangers coming and going makes them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair. 
2. Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good, but attachment is super tricky with abandoned kids, and they have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults (including extended family) continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. It also teaches them that any adult or stranger can touch them without their permission, and believe me, many adoptive families are working HARD to undo the damage already done by this position. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries. 
3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from. 
4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better. 
5. If we’ve adopted older kids, please do not ask them if they “love America so much” or are “so happy to live in Texas.” It’s this simple: adoption is born from horrible loss. In an ideal world, there would be no adoption, because our children would be with their birth families, the way God intended. I’ll not win any points here, but I bristle when people say, “Our adopted child was chosen for us by God before the beginning of time.” No he wasn’t. He was destined for his birth family. God did not create these kids to belong to us. He didn’t decide that they should be born into poverty or disease or abandonment or abuse and despair aaaaaaaall so they could finally make it into our homes, where God intended them to be. No. We are a very distant Plan B. Children are meant for their birth families, same as my biological kids were meant for mine. Adoption is one possible answer to a very real tragedy… after it has already happened, not before as the impetus for abandonment. There is genuine grief and sorrow when your biological family is disrupted by death and poverty, and our kids have endured all this and more. So when you ask my 8-year-old if he is thrilled to be in Texas, please understand that he is not. He misses his country, his language, his food, his family. Our kids came to us in the throes of grief, as well they should. Please don’t make them smile and lie to you about how happy they are to be here. 
6. Please do not disappear. If I thought the waiting stage was hard, it does not even hold the barest candle to what comes after the airport. Not. The. Barest. Candle. Never have I felt so isolated and petrified. Never have I been so overwhelmed and exhausted. We need you after the airport way more than we ever needed you before. I know you’re scared of us, what with our dirty hair and wild eyes and mystery children we’re keeping behind closed doors so they don’t freak out more than they already have, but please find ways to stick around. Call. Email. Check in. Post on our Facebook walls. Send us funny cards. Keep this behavior up for longer than six days. 
Here’s what we would love to hear or experience After the Airport:
1. Cook for your friends. Put together a meal calendar and recruit every person who even remotely cares about them. We didn’t cook dinners for one solid month, and folks, that may have single handedly saved my sanity. There simply are not words to describe how exhausting and overwhelming those first few weeks are, not to mention the lovely jetlag everyone came home with. And if your friends adopted domestically right up the street, this is all still true, minus the jetlag. 
2. If we have them, offer to take our biological kids for an adventure or sleepover. Please believe me: their lives just got WHACKED OUT, and they need a break, but their parents can’t give them one because they are 1.) cleaning up pee and poop all day, 2.) holding screaming children, 3.) spending all their time at doctors’ offices, and 4.) falling asleep in their clothes at 8:15pm. Plus, they are in lockdown mode with the recently adopted, trying to shield them from the trauma that is Walmart. 
3. Thank you for getting excited with us over our little victories. I realize it sounds like a very small deal when we tell you our kindergartener is now staying in the same room as the dog, but if you could’ve seen the epic level of freakoutedness this dog caused her for three weeks, you would understand that this is really something. When you encourage us over our incremental progress, it helps. You remind us that we ARE moving forward and these little moments are worth celebrating. If we come to you spazzing out, please remind us where we were a month ago. Force us to acknowledge their gains. Be a cheerleader for the healing process. 
4. Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our porch. Let me tell you: we are all lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, GNO’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, community group. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. And bring an expensive bottle of wine. 
5. If the shoe fits, tell adopting families how their story is affecting yours. If God has moved in you over the course of our adoption, whether before the airport or after, if you’ve made a change or a decision, if somewhere deep inside a fire was lit, tell us, because it is spiritual water on dry souls. There is nothing more encouraging than finding out God is using our families for greater kingdom work, beautiful things we would never know or see. We gather the holy moments in our hands every day, praying for eyes to see God’s presence, his purposes realized in our story. When you put more holy moments in our hands to meditate on, we are drawn deeper into the Jesus who led us here. 
Here’s one last thing: As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums (ours), we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task, and when you help us rise to the occasion, you have an inheritance in their story; your name will be counted in their legacy. 
Because that day you brought us pulled pork tacos was the exact day I needed to skip dinner prep and hold my son on the couch for an hour, talking about Africa and beginning to bind up his emotional wounds. When you kidnapped me for two hours and took me to breakfast, I was at the very, very, absolute end that morning, but I came home renewed, able to greet my children after school with fresh love and patience. When you loved on my big kids and offered them sanctuary for a night, you kept the family rhythm in sync at the end of a hard week. 
Thank you for being the village. You are so important.