In our case, preparing for +3 actually meant moving. For us it was a matter of gender separation for sleeping...as well as room for moving/playing/breathing during the day. We were already tight as a family of four (I know, I know, American materialism) so we knew adding three more might send mommy mentally over the edge. So we moved to a bigger home that allowed the older two boys to share, the little boys to share, and the princess to have her own room. It doesn't HAVE to be this way...it's just what we chose to do.
I often joke with other adoptive mom friends that this is the post nobody writes- how do you prepare your house? So we started with bare rooms (because we had moved). We kept everything as bare as possible...beds, 1 dresser in the big boys room and a couple of baskets in their closet, and 2 rubbermaid drawer sets in the little boys closet for clothes. In reality, our 4 year old wasn't ready for that many clothes. We quickly discovered it was best to put his clothes in our room and provide him one outfit a day. We did that for two weeks and then for two weeks we allowed him to pick his outfit, and then we gradually allowed him to choose two outfits (saving one for the next day in his closet) and eventually moved his clothing back to his room at about two months home. The little boys had NO toys in their room and while they were sleeping one night we removed all the books- as this turned out to be best for our youngest adopted. Our big boys have 2 toy building sets in their room. We kept the walls pretty bare...we added curtains at their request to keep the sun out. In terms of clothing. We provided each child with one drawer of clothing...roughly 5 pairs of shorts and 10 shirts. They share a drawer split down the middle for underwear. They each came home to two pairs of shoes, 1 sandals and 1 slip-ons and we took them out to purchase one pair of sneakers.
Toys toys toys. In our house, they were everywhere. Even though we THOUGHT we had cleaned out a lot- we found it best to remove A LOT of them to the garage one night while they were sleeping. It was WAY too much for what they were used to. We have gradually moved some back in...sometimes allowing them to pick one to bring in and take care of for a week. We found this really taught them how to value possessions and more importantly, how to play with toys. We really found they did not know how to use many of the toys we had. I am convinced toys build upon each other...so therefore if you never had stacking blocks as a six month old- it's unlikely legos make any sense to you. One toy at a time helped them understand the toy, become imaginative, and enjoy it.
I dislike TV. My children do watch it. We chose to have one TV available for watching during certain times of the day. Typically one show in the morning and a movie while our youngest naps in the afternoon (and downtime for mom). We limit TV to these times and this works well for our children.
Food. We allowed 2 days of adjustment...meaning on the first morning home- popcorn and hamburger rolls are what they ate by their choice. We also allowed 2 days of understanding food would be readily available- meaning we did not say no (in reason) to snacks of fruit. After 2 days we set up a food schedule and "this is no" was not acceptable. You eat what you get. In answer to the question "Banana?" I often respond "do you see bananas on the table?" If it isn't on the table, it isn't an option. This was as much for my sanity as anything. But I do feel the 2 days helped cement the idea- there's enough food now. I am always careful to remember where they are coming from...but always very aware of the slippery slope we will head down if compromise becomes an option. I'd also say...no free reign of the pantry helped us...only mom and dad have access to it in our house.
School. Oh, the debate. You will know. That is all I am going to say.
Cocooning. We didn't but we also didn't go to others' homes or play with very many friends for about 2 months. We would go to the beach, come home. We kept our own little circle but explored public places. Our middle child didn't go to a food store for 2.5 months- our youngest still hasn't. Our oldest has gone food shopping with me on several occasions. You will know. It's also a decision that you can change. If you go out three days and its tragic...stay home three days. We STILL, three months later, sometimes take 2 days to stay home after a very busy week or just because I can tell they need it. It's a lot to take in...America is a pretty crazy place.
Hopefully someone out there finds this helpful! There's no set method as I have learned...just doing what seems right for your children and tweaking the plan as you go along!
I often joke with other adoptive mom friends that this is the post nobody writes- how do you prepare your house? So we started with bare rooms (because we had moved). We kept everything as bare as possible...beds, 1 dresser in the big boys room and a couple of baskets in their closet, and 2 rubbermaid drawer sets in the little boys closet for clothes. In reality, our 4 year old wasn't ready for that many clothes. We quickly discovered it was best to put his clothes in our room and provide him one outfit a day. We did that for two weeks and then for two weeks we allowed him to pick his outfit, and then we gradually allowed him to choose two outfits (saving one for the next day in his closet) and eventually moved his clothing back to his room at about two months home. The little boys had NO toys in their room and while they were sleeping one night we removed all the books- as this turned out to be best for our youngest adopted. Our big boys have 2 toy building sets in their room. We kept the walls pretty bare...we added curtains at their request to keep the sun out. In terms of clothing. We provided each child with one drawer of clothing...roughly 5 pairs of shorts and 10 shirts. They share a drawer split down the middle for underwear. They each came home to two pairs of shoes, 1 sandals and 1 slip-ons and we took them out to purchase one pair of sneakers.
Toys toys toys. In our house, they were everywhere. Even though we THOUGHT we had cleaned out a lot- we found it best to remove A LOT of them to the garage one night while they were sleeping. It was WAY too much for what they were used to. We have gradually moved some back in...sometimes allowing them to pick one to bring in and take care of for a week. We found this really taught them how to value possessions and more importantly, how to play with toys. We really found they did not know how to use many of the toys we had. I am convinced toys build upon each other...so therefore if you never had stacking blocks as a six month old- it's unlikely legos make any sense to you. One toy at a time helped them understand the toy, become imaginative, and enjoy it.
I dislike TV. My children do watch it. We chose to have one TV available for watching during certain times of the day. Typically one show in the morning and a movie while our youngest naps in the afternoon (and downtime for mom). We limit TV to these times and this works well for our children.
Food. We allowed 2 days of adjustment...meaning on the first morning home- popcorn and hamburger rolls are what they ate by their choice. We also allowed 2 days of understanding food would be readily available- meaning we did not say no (in reason) to snacks of fruit. After 2 days we set up a food schedule and "this is no" was not acceptable. You eat what you get. In answer to the question "Banana?" I often respond "do you see bananas on the table?" If it isn't on the table, it isn't an option. This was as much for my sanity as anything. But I do feel the 2 days helped cement the idea- there's enough food now. I am always careful to remember where they are coming from...but always very aware of the slippery slope we will head down if compromise becomes an option. I'd also say...no free reign of the pantry helped us...only mom and dad have access to it in our house.
School. Oh, the debate. You will know. That is all I am going to say.
Cocooning. We didn't but we also didn't go to others' homes or play with very many friends for about 2 months. We would go to the beach, come home. We kept our own little circle but explored public places. Our middle child didn't go to a food store for 2.5 months- our youngest still hasn't. Our oldest has gone food shopping with me on several occasions. You will know. It's also a decision that you can change. If you go out three days and its tragic...stay home three days. We STILL, three months later, sometimes take 2 days to stay home after a very busy week or just because I can tell they need it. It's a lot to take in...America is a pretty crazy place.
Hopefully someone out there finds this helpful! There's no set method as I have learned...just doing what seems right for your children and tweaking the plan as you go along!
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